The Morning after Losing You
by Blueraingurl
Summary: AU. Will Yuki and Kyou be able to heal after Tohru's death?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

A/N: Warning- Death of main character, Tohru. Although, I really like Tohru's character, her death is necessary for this fic. So I apologize for this beforehand. Also, slight changes to age and events.

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**_Summary_**_:_ Tohru, I believe, was the string that held and healed Kyou and Yuki's painful pasts. With her innocence and love, she was able to help Yuki and Kyou become more expressive of their inner feelings. With her presence Yuki and Kyou were able to set their hostilities aside, well not all hostilities, but enough for them to be on agreeable terms, although, I am using the word agreeable loosely. 

This fic will delve into what would happen if Tohru's presence were abruptly taken away from Yuki and Kyou. There are no definite relationships- although the whole plot is up in the air, as well as if there will be any relationships in this fic. So any suggestions will be taken into consideration ^_^

**Title: _The Morning after Losing You_**

_Prologue:_

+In Loving Memory+

Honda Tohru

You will never be forgotten

Yuki stared blankly at the tombstone; words could not describe the lost he felt.  _'How? Why?'_ with repetitious monotone, Yuki asked himself the same questions that haunted him since she had died. It was surreal, as he looked around him. At any moment he felt that Tohru would appear and tell them to cheer up that she hadn't really died.

But reality hit him forcefully, as he looked at his surroundings. He saw her friends, Hana and Uo as they broke down and wept. He noticed Momiji's struggle as he tried to register the truth of it all- he saw Kisa cry for Tohru; it broke his heart again. 

Kagura, Ritsu, Haru, Ayame, Shigure, and even Hatori were here- 

Yuki knew what Tohru meant to them all. She had saved them, with her innocence, her unconditional acceptance and love. Tohru had anchored all of them. And yet, they were not able to save her in the end. It was truly ironic- Yuki felt anger overcome his essence. He couldn't save her. 

-------------------- 

Kyou was enraged, overwhelmed with helplessness. He couldn't function, couldn't think. It had to be a dream, a nightmare. It was so sudden . . . no one had expected it. Especially him, when just a week ago Tohru had completely accepted his other form. Since that day in the rain- since Tohru had come to take him back home after seeing his cursed form of the neko.

After that night in the rain, everyone was worried about Tohru, so they called Hatori for a check-up. He told them she was okay, just a minor cold. Yuki and Kyou wouldn't take that as an answer and asked him to take samples of her blood, just as precaution. 

Kyou reflected again, it's only been two days since their graduation. Tohru was excited- it was her mother's dream for her to graduate. 

The night after graduation, 

the morning after- 

Tohru never woke up.

Hatori came back with the blood sample results that morning- Tohru had been sick for a long time. 'A rare disease- Tohru had at least died peacefully in her sleep', he told them, 'but she should have known she was sick- although the signs of her illness were not noticeable but Tohru would have had sporadic attacks of pain previously'. 

'Her heart just stopped,' Hatori silently repeated.

_'Baka,'_ Kyou thought with anger, _'always smiling, never expressed that she was in pain, nor when she was sad'_. 

_'Smiling until the end'_, as Kyou felt himself tear up in pain.

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No one spoke after the service that was held for Tohru. Instead, everyone looked at her tombstone- hers being right next to her mother's.

They wanted to express the unfairness of it all, but they couldn't.

It was unbearable- 

So acute.

Rather, with gestures, everyone knew it would hurt too much to talk about it. 

So with finality Hana and Uo left, leaving the impression to Yuki and Kyou that they will never see the girls again.

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A/N: I'm sorry if her death is somewhat unbelievable. But some diseases are unexplainable and Tohru's heart just stopped beating. And I believe that if Tohru knew that she was sick or sad, she wouldn't tell anyone because she wouldn't want them to worry.


	2. Chapter 1: Far From Reality

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

_Summary_: The Souma's transform when they are hugged by the opposite sex but they can also transform when overwhelming emotions are felt. Also Yuki and Kyou have different ways to outlet their grief. Hopefully, they are in character- however; there might be some out of character characteristics. Their emotions, thoughts, memories, and etc are disjointed.

Spoiler Warning: Episode 26 of Fruits Basket, you are warned, although some dialogue and events are altered.  

Chapter 1: **_Far From Reality_**

'_Yuki-kun . . . Yuki-kun. Why do you look so sad while you sleep?_' Tohru's distant voice called out.

"Honda-san? Honda-san!" with a rush of madness, Yuki awoke from his fretful slumber. Without hesitation he ran from his bed to Tohru's room.

"Honda-san, where are you?" with force he opened her door- her scent invaded him, it overtook his senses. "You must be here? I know! Are you playing a game again? Is this something you call hide and seek? You know I don't know the rules of that game- because I've never been invited to join in games. But it was different with you, you invited me, you included me . . ."

"Honda-san?" he called out meekly, "please come out- don't hide anymore".

*POOF*

Yuki transformed into his nezumi form as consciousness left him.

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**Time passes: **

**One Month Later  
  
**

Shigure couldn't take it anymore- 

Yuki and Kyou were losing it. 

But this was ridiculous as he noted their absences again from dinner. They couldn't sulk all day and night for the rest of their lives. _'Or maybe they could_', he sighed.

It was natural to mourn for someone special- but Yuki and Kyou had to pull it together. There was nothing that they could do to bring back Tohru into their lives again.

With resolve, he walked toward Yuki's room.

"Yuki-kun . . . aren't you hungry?" Shigure asked with a smile.

Yuki glared.

"Oh- ho, don't look so scary," Shigure said lightheartedly.

"Get out," Yuki silently added.

"But you've been locked up in your room for a month now," he continued, "it's quite unhealthy- after all, if you fainted again, we wouldn't even know".

"It doesn't matter- life is normal again for the Souma family, so leave me alone," Yuki stated.

"Wouldn't it be a good time to talk with Kyou?" Shigure trekked cautiously, "if you two can talk about Tohru-chan . . . it might help".

Silence-

Yuki fled out of his room and into the cold.

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Shigure sighed again_- 'one down, one more to go'._

He cautiously opened Kyou's door. 

It was empty. 

He should have known: the roof.

He climbed up the roof, "You know, I'm getting old and climbing this roof isn't good for my health".

Kyou ignored him.

"Oh- boy, another moody teenager," Shigure stated.

"Is there something you wanted?" Kyou asked annoyed.

"Don't you think it's about time to let go?" Shigure said honestly.

Anger flared across Kyou- "How dare you! . . . never mind, you'll never understand".

"Try me, try me Kyou-kun. I understand a lot more than you and Yuki realize," Shigure stated.

"And what makes you think it's because of Tohru . . ." as anger overcame his stance.

"Calm down Kyou- I never suggested anything- it's just, I think you and Yuki need to share the grief you guys feel," Shigure stated.

Hiss- 

Hiss- as Kyou felt his cat hairs rise up in defense.

"I'll let you think about it," Shigure left. 

----------------

With anger Kyou jumped off the roof. He felt restless, angry, and empty. He couldn't admit it- but without Tohru, it wasn't the same. 

But as he wandered around the forest- he remembered that night-

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**_*****Flashback:_**

Images filtered through Kyou as he rammed his head on the rock. _'Why mother, why? You told me that you loved me and yet you never held me- never let me out of the house. Were you scared of me? Because of my other form? I am a neko- but my other form, a monster. I am a monster. When you looked at me, what did you see? A monster, not your child, you didn't see your son. Then why was it that whenever you looked at Yuki- that damn Yuki . . . you thought he was perfect, he was the kind of son that you wanted'_

_ 'But I was your son . . . '_

Unable to hold his emotions, Kyou started to attack the trees in the forest. '_Now that Tohru saw me, she saw what kind of monster I am- '_

_'Damn!' _Kyou felt hopeless. He knew that no one was able to love him. Yet when Tohru had entered his life- he felt hope flicker within him. But now he felt that flame burn out viciously. 

"Kyou-kun," Tohru whispered as she reached Kyou. She dropped to her knees, unable to go on.

"Honda-san, Kyou needs you," stated Yuki as he approached her still form.

"But, I . . ." Tohru hesitated. She wanted to comfort Kyou, to tell him that she wasn't afraid . . . but she was.

"Tell him how you feel," Yuki continued, "Honda-san is a person that expresses what she feels".

_'Yuki-kun's statement,_' it resonated within Tohru- _'yes, she needed to . . . '_

With a sudden determination, Tohru ran to Kyou.

He looked at Tohru wildly, as he realized that she was holding onto his arms, "Let me go!" Violently he tried to fling her and Yuki off of him as broken images and words bombarded him.

"Please stop, Kyou-kun . . ." she cried.

Kyou looked at her and asked, "do you see what kind of monster that I am- do you know how it feels!"

"It's true, that I am scared . . . but it doesn't change anything. I want us to continue eating together, to talk to each other, to be happy together," she stated strongly.

Kyou stopped his rage as he absorbed what Tohru was telling him, _'she was scared because she had seen the real me . . . she was able to see the real me'_

Tohru took Kyou into her embrace.

_ *******End Flashback**_

The memory was bittersweet for Kyou. _'How could you be taken away so suddenly? When . . . but . . . but you were freezing that night- because of me . . . was it because of me?'_

"I'm sorry- because of me Tohru, you were sick. You caught a cold," Kyou hoarsely whispered as guilt overwhelmed him.

"Damn Neko!" with fury Yuki jumped out of his secret base and ran into Kyou.

"What! What did you say rat?" Kyou flung his arm into Yuki.

"It's because of you, it's your fault," Yuki stated vehemently.

Kyou stopped, _'Because of you,'_ Yuki had said.

Yuki attacked Kyou. With all his strength, he pounded Kyou at his abdominal area.

Kyou coughed violently- blood came out.

Rage, hurt, denial tore at Kyou as he registered what was happening. 

With equal force he ran into Yuki. He grabbed Yuki's shirt and shoved him to the ground. 

"What are you talking about, damn nezumi!" without thought, Kyou said with spite, "prince Yuki- why didn't you save her? Huh? TELL ME! Why couldn't you save her since you're sooo perfect?"

Yuki stopped. What his cousin had stated penetrated his soul- _'he couldn't save her . . . the person that had become so important in his life, he couldn't save her'._

"She choose you in the end," Yuki softly spoke as Kyou's fist contacted his face. Yuki felt himself fall- he wanted to reach out and hold onto something but he couldn't.

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	3. Chapter 2: Hollow

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

_Summary_: Yuki and Kyou would rather run away from the truth of Tohru's death than talk about it with each other. 

_Warning_: Light swearing and some OCC.

Chapter 2: **_Hollow_**

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"She wanted to be with you in the end," Yuki softly spoke as Kyou's fist contacted with his face. 

Yuki felt himself fall- he wanted to reach out and hold onto something but he couldn't.

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Emotions ran sporadically across Yuki. So many things conflicted within him. But he couldn't hold them in like before. His icy mask of calmness vanished as he felt himself tear up. As he felt himself fall- 

So many memories cascaded . . . 

So many memories of her- 

Her smile.

Her gentle laughter.

Her clumsiness.

His present, when he had kissed the ribbon he had given her.

_'Why? Why? Can't you leave my damn head?_' he shouted.

He knew he was being irrational- it wasn't Tohru's fault- heck, it wasn't Kyou's fault. 

It was his- **he couldn't save her**.

"AH!" he screamed out as he welcomed the darkness that overtook him.

-------

Kyou felt shock as he watched the nezumi fall from the impact. '_Had he won the fight? Was this a victory against the rat?_' But why didn't Kyou feel happy as he thought he would have been? 

He pounded his fist into the ground in anger.

He felt angry; ashamed . . . this wasn't the way to solve things- _'Yuki . . . Yuki wasn't supposed to be broken!'_

With no further hesitation, Kyou caught the nezumi as he screamed into oblivion.

Kyou looked at him as Yuki's eyes closed.

So much emotions evident on Yuki's face- so much hurt. '_What happened to the usually calm Yuki?' _

"I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to blame you . . . How did I miss it? We've been like this for a month . . . when is it supposed to stop hurting?" Kyou whispered into the night, "Tohru- how did you survive after your mother? Weren't you hurting like this? Like us? Damn, you were always smiling- we didn't even know that under all your smiles, you were crying".

Words left Kyou-

He couldn't think anymore- 

It was too much . . . too much to understand what Tohru must have gone through . . . too much to think of what Yuki was going through now, what he himself was going right through now, and what they will go through as time passes.

Kyou felt himself mature suddenly- 

Maybe he and his cousin weren't so different after all . . . 

But no, he didn't want to talk about it, **ever. **

He wasn't going to open his heart to anyone again. 

He had lost so much when he had lost Tohru. 

But, he felt a tear slid down his face as looked down at Yuki's face. Looking down at him- Kyou remembered the times the three of them had together. The time at the lake- how happy Tohru was and how serene Yuki had looked, and how he himself had felt like he belonged. _'Yuki, you know that Tohru held us together- I never realized how happy I was during those times. Even though we fought- we weren't really angry . . . eventually, I've looked forward to each day that we had together with Tohru- the three of us_,' he silently spoke.

But no, those were the old days . . . Kyou didn't want to think anymore; it was too painful.

He carried Yuki toward the house and opened his bedroom door.  Kyou knew he couldn't watch his cousin through the night and comfort him, so this was the most that he could do for him.  Gently he laid Yuki and left the room.

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**Morning:**

Yuki woke up- feeling disoriented. _'Where was he? Wasn't this Kyou's room? Why was he here?'_

Well it didn't matter anymore. He knew what he had to do now. 

It was better than facing the reality of life. 

He was used to it- all he had to do was continue with his façade.

Yuki calmly walked toward Shigure's room. 

"Yuki-kun, what brings you here so early in the morning?" Shigure said with a smile.

"I . . . I will return to the main house, my responsibilities are there," Yuki said stoically.

Shigure stared at Yuki_, 'it couldn't be'._

"What are you talking about Yuki-kun? What are you saying?" Shigure continued.

"That is all, I want to leave by mid-afternoon, please call Hatori-san," Yuki politely left the room.

Shigure felt . . _. 'damn, I was afraid this would happen . . . Yuki-kun, is this the only way? To run away again?'_

Shigure had to do something, really anything.

He left his room and walked toward the roof to talk to Kyou. For some reason Kyou had been on the roof since last night.

"Kyou-kun, are you awake?" as he reached the top, "Don't you want to come down?"

Kyou looked at Shigure; something was different about him though . . . 

"Um, Kyou-kun," Shigure started to speak . . . but he couldn't find the words suddenly.

Kyou looked at him- '_what was wrong with him?'_

"I think you and Yuki should really talk to each other. I know one month hadn't given you guys to heal- but . . . Yuki, he's beyond reachable," Shigure couldn't articulate what he was trying to say but he knew that they were all hurting . . . hell, he was hurting. But he was seriously concerned about Yuki and Kyou- it had taken them sixteen years to feel accepted and loved: to be appreciated by someone like Tohru. _'But where did that leave them now? Where?' He felt frustration take over his usual façade of indifference._

"Kyou-kun, you need to stop Yuki," Shigure finally got out, "he wants to return to the main house . . . and I know you don't hate him enough to want him to return".

Kyou felt shock- the main house, where Akito was. He knew Yuki was afraid of the head clan- so why? Why now? So many emotions churned within him- guilt, _'did his comments to Yuki affect him that much?'_

Then he began to worry- he didn't want to see Yuki hurt from Akito again. _'Damn, damn, that damn nezumi- Yuki . . .' _

But . . .

Forget it. 

Kyou felt himself hide behind his grief. He couldn't talk about Tohru- he couldn't talk about what she meant to him and to have Yuki nearby, magnified the hurt, the loss, the hopelessness. 

Talking to Yuki would mean he had to deal with his reality too . . . so '_maybe it was better this way_' 

"Shigure- I'm going to return to Shishou," Kyou stated with finality, "I don't care what Yuki's going to do, that's his decision and this is my decision". 

Kyou thought it was better this way- he couldn't face Yuki, it would remind him more of what he had lost, what they had lost; Tohru. 

Shigure stared at Kyou- he felt disappointment. _'Baka's, they were baka's'_

"Do you think because you're leaving that you'll forget about her? That it'll be better this way?" Shigure continued, "You guys are hurting- why can't you and Yuki . . . why can't you guys lean on each other?" 

With one last look at Kyou, Shigure left, he had to pack his things too as well. He would follow Yuki to the main house, to be there for him . . . _'but was this the only way?'_

------------------------------

A/N: This was a hard chapter to write . . . I don't know if I had portrayed the characters right so I'm sorry if I couldn't. But I was trying to show how Yuki and Kyou both would rather not deal with their problem- that they would rather run away then acknowledge them- so they are running away to something worse, Yuki to the main house and Kyou to his shishou (although that won't be so bad but still, he would rather not be in the place where so many memories of Tohru are). Also I know Yuki is deathly afraid of Akito and having him go there, it's outrageous, but that was my point because he would rather feel pain from Akito to forget about his other grief.


	4. Chapter 3: Life Without You

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

_Summary_: This chapter is focused on Yuki and a life without Tohru in his life. Some time passes since Yuki returned to the main house and since Kyou left for his Shishou's. Also, I'm not sure how Akito interacts with everyone, so this is my take on his character. 

_Warning_: Angst, some spoilers for the anime, and some OCC. 

Chapter 3: **_Life Without You_**

"Yuki-kun . . . I told you that no one could save you," Akito sneered, "I'll always have you by my side".

Yuki blankly looked at Akito and nodded. 

"Leave, I'm done with you today," Akito dismissed Yuki.

As he did, Shigure entered.

"Akito, don't you think . . ." '_don't you think you should lighten up on Yuki, after all he's been through?' Shigure sighed, "Never mind, so what did you do to Yuki today?"_

"Hmm, not much . . . but he needs to be punished for his defiance to me since Tohru," Akito felt anger overwhelm him again, after all that Tohru had told him and the Souma's, she was a liar- she wasn't even there anymore. He was angry at Tohru for her lies- but this also proved that Tohru couldn't save anyone and especially not Yuki . . . no not Yuki- he had come running back to hide.

Akito thought with triumph- no one in the Souma family will feel happiness. Not when he would die in a few years. That thought darkly entered Akito, "Leave Shigure, now!"

"I'm sorry," Shigure left Akito's room.

-----------------

Yuki entered his room. He felt wary after the mental barrage that Akito had unleashed on him again. 

But he was used to it. 

Used to Akito's cruelty- how it pleased Akito every time he abused Yuki.

But it was better this way. Yuki felt almost relieved because it was like before. 

Before her . . . before knowing happiness . . . before he had opened up his heart.

He pressed his temples; a headache was fast approaching him again.

He crumpled to the floor as he whispered.

----Honda-san---

---T- o- h- r- u--- kun

_'Oh kami- it hurts . . ._' he never had the courage to call her Tohru-kun, _'so why now, after all this time was he calling her Tohru-kun? Why couldn't he just forget?'_

He picked up a glass on his table and threw it against the wall in frustration.

"Yuki-kun," Shigure entered with shock.

Yuki held a blank look.

"Yuki-kun, snap out of it!" Shigure pulled Yuki off the floor.

With anger, Yuki pulled away from Shigure's grip.

"Leave me alone," Yuki yelled.

Shigure pulled Yuki closer and embraced him, "Stop, you need to stop this . . . Tohru- wouldn't have wanted you to become like this".

Something in Yuki snapped; he then growled "Shut up!" and ran away.

Yuki ran toward the entrance/exit of the main house- 

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_Memories bombarded him-_

_It was at this entrance, that Tohru, Kyou, Shigure, and he took that day . . . that day Tohru wanted to speak with Akito- after Kyou's transformation._

_She was so brave- _

_She wanted to see Akito- but she didn't know why. But she did and told Akito that she'll be sad if Akito died. _

_They were all shocked. He was shocked, he never thought about it in that way- in Akito's terms, to be afraid to die._

_She was so understanding and loving. _

_--------_

He felt his shield that he had built start to fall. _'No, no, no . . . don't think about it . . . its okay, just don't remember'_.

"Yuki-kun," Momiji's voice called out, "Where are you?"

"Oh, here you are! I've been looking for you," he continued, "let's go visit Kyou-kun".

Yuki felt his shield build up again as he looked at Momiji, he had to be calm- 

Yuki was like falling snow and his name fitted him well- 

He would be snow; cold and icy but calm.

"Ne, I'm not up for that today, why don't you ask Hatori-san?" Yuki stated.

Momiji looked up at Yuki. 

Something in Momiji's eyes torn at Yuki- there was deep sadness.

Then just as suddenly, Momiji jumped onto Yuki and said, "its okay, I'll visit him next time . . . let's eat now"

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Life took an almost normal routine for Yuki. 

But something was missing in his life- 

Human warmth

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A/N: I would like to thank everyone for reading this fic ^_^ 

And thank you to those that have reviewed thus far: Sohma Risa, LadyBarrista, Jhannise, yukari, Tenshi no Ai, Yume Maxwell-Yuy, Carter Tachikawa, Emmi-chan

I hope I am going in the right direction with the chapters and I have read every suggestion and input . . .


	5. Chapter 4: Here Without You

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

_Summary_: Almost a year had passed by. This chapter is focused on Kyou- he can't accept that Tohru isn't really there anymore. 

_Warning_: Once again fragmented thoughts and events, maybe some OCC of Kyou. (The **paragraph in bold** is a dream where Tohru is speaking to Kyou).

Chapter 4: **Here Without You**

Kyou sat down quietly in the middle of the dojo. He was mediating. Life was almost normal for him. He was with Shishou; he was where he belonged- away from the Souma family, away from Yuki, away from memories.

He silently fell into depression again. He couldn't help himself; it had been like this for the past year- a year without Tohru. He couldn't believe it was almost a year to this day. 

He couldn't even remember what he had been doing all this time, _'had he gone to school? Had he eaten? Gone outside to play? Had he talked to anyone other than Kagura and his Shishou? Had there really been a Tohru in his life? Was everything just a bad dream? Didn't he always hate the nezumi . . . until that person came into his life? Who was Tohru? Why and how did she change his outlook on life . . . was it natural to grieve like this?'_

So many questions had haunted Kyou- too many really, that he hadn't been himself . . . but in a sense, he didn't know who he was anymore. 

He had existed to hate the nezumi- had existed to become stronger and beat Yuki, but his victory so long ago had given him nothing. No piece of mind- the only thing that had accomplished was pain, unbearable pain that he had added to the misery of Yuki and himself. _'But that fact shouldn't have bothered him_,' Kyou thought to himself, _'so why was he still miserable?_'

Maybe he was miserable because he knew Tohru wouldn't have wanted them to become like this . . . she would have wanted them to be happy- to find a happiness after her, to be happy no matter what, because if they were happy, than she was too . . . 

**---Kyou-kun, Kyou-kun---**

**A smiling face called out, "Why are you just sitting there? Shouldn't you be outside, looking at the world- breathing in its wonder? I wish I was there too, and then you, Yuki-kun, and I could go to the lake again. Right, Kyou-kun? Please enjoy the lake for me," Tohru spoke.**

**Kyou**** stared off into the direction of Tohru's haunting voice-**

**"Why do you look so sad, Kyou-kun," with a frown Tohru sniffled and began to walk away.**

"Tohru- NO! please don't leave me. TOHRU," Kyou tried reaching out to the image.

"Kyou, what are you doing? Please stop it. How long are you going to stay in the dojo pretending that Tohru is still here?" Souma Kazuma asked as he entered, "Don't you think it's time to face reality?"

"Hmm," Kyou replied passively all of the sudden with a dull look in his eyes. He would rather stay away from reality- it didn't hurt as much then.

"Kyou, this isn't you," Souma Kazuma whispered, _'never mind'_. 

He left . . . he had tried to make Kyou leave- to return back to Yuki and Shigure, but when he had tried, Kyou had always came back. Most of the times, he had seen Kyou crouched in front of the dojo not wanting to move an inch. He had seen Kyou talk to himself . . . 

With resignation, he had given up in trying to force Kyou to come to terms with his ordeal. This was different from Kyou's previous fear of rejection due to this other form. Losing Tohru was in a sense worse . . . because the neko had lost his shine.

"Kazuma-sensei, why are you out here?" Kagura asked as she entered the temple/dojo's garden.

There was an awkward silence.

"I see, Kyou," Kagura replied, "I understand, he doesn't want to see anyone again . . . but its okay, I won't give up on him".

She silently opened the dojo and looked at the still form of Kyou. She knew it hadn't been easy for him accepting Tohru's death . . . _'but didn't he see that he was falling apart?'_

She approached him and hugged his back, "Kyou- please be happy . . . you can't be like this anymore. I love you Kyou".

He looked at Kagura with disbelief, "you don't think I know . . . you tell me that you love me and then you're going to leave me too, mother . . ." he saw an image of his mother imposed over Kagura.

Images began to superimpose onto Kyou's mind. 

So many fragments- 

Broken sounds

Fragmented memories

Broken laughter

Smiles, hurt, joy . . . 

Acceptance, love, friendship.

He didn't know what reality was anymore. 

He couldn't handle the barrage of images, "please- To-hru . . . Yuki," he fell into the embrace of Kagura.

"It's okay Kyou- I understand. I'm sorry I can't do anything for you right now but I'll wait for you to heal," a single tear fell down Kagura's face. _'It's not me you need; you need someone who understands your pain, someone who is going through the same thing that you are feeling. Please don't change anymore, I miss you- I miss your temper, your smirk, your arguments, and your smile'._

"Tohru . . . when is it supposed to stop hurting," Kyou whispered as he welcomed oblivion. Kagura gently kissed his forehead, trying to soothe Kyou's inner demons with a gentle touch, but she knew that Kyou would not heal unless he wanted to.

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A/N: Thank you_, centi the yaoi hime_ for pointing out the word 'hurted'; I knew it sounded weird when I was writing it but I couldn't think of anything to replace it . . . but when you had pointed it out, I knew I had to change some things ^_^ I hope this is better.

Thank you _Sohma__ Risa_, your reviews are very encouraging.

Thank you everyone, everyone's input is helping me shape this fic ^_^


	6. Chapter 5: A Step Back from Progress

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

_Summary: Angry Yuki (he tries to place blame upon Tohru herself, this train of thought will be temporary though) and pissed off Kyou. _

Chapter 5: **A Step Back from Progress**

Yuki dreamt fretfully.  Although one year had passed, he couldn't find peace, it had been that way for a long time.  He had hoped the desperation and cruelty of Akito would free his mind but even that had backfired, for he kept recalling Tohru's comment to Akito; her understanding that he must be afraid to die.

He didn't understand why he couldn't block out his emotional baggage.  He had always been one to hide behind his walls but ever since Tohru . . . ever since she had broken his high barriers.  

For that he almost felt hate, he hated himself, maybe he even blamed Tohru for leaving him like that.

Akito had said that Tohru wouldn't be able to save anyone.  In the end he had been right, maybe Tohru was a liar even then.  Yuki came upon an epiphany, his enemy was his memory of Tohru and he would erase all of that within him.

He awoke to a bright morning.  He felt better than he had in ages, or to be exact a year ago.  With a smirk and calm exterior he arose and prepared for the day.  He was sure Akito would inflict some sort of punishment and he relished it- because pain was something he understood and could handle.

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Shigure didn't know what to think as he looked at Yuki that morning.  For some reason, he had become even more unreachable.  There was an odd light in his violet eyes.  He had never seen Yuki look like he did now.

"Good morning Yuki-kun," he stated brightly.

Yuki nodded an affirmative and with brisk movements walked off.

Shigure saw Hatori walk by and stopped him from going further, "Hatori, today we need to go there".

"It's been a year," Hatori replied silently.

"I know," Shigure sighed, "I know Yuki knows it's today but something about him is disturbing today.  Should I not mention it to him?"

"I don't know," Hatori replied, "I don't know who he is anymore . . . he becomes like Akito everyday".

They both silently reflected and decided they didn't want to bring up the subject of the memorial service for Tohru today to Yuki.

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"Yuki-kun," Akito sneered, "you know what today is right?"

Yuki fumed in anger but suppressed his emotions; nonchalantly he replied "no, today is no more important than yesterday".

"Is that so? Then I guess it won't affect you if we visit her grave today," he goaled Yuki.

"That would be unnecessary seeing that that person holds no meaning to me," Yuki retorted back.

Akito laughed suddenly, "Well then, let us talk of other more interesting things".

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Kagura held onto Kyou as he tried to hide.  She knew he didn't want to go back . . . Kyou did not want to see everyone again because that meant everything was true. To see Shigure, Hatori, Momiji, Uo, and Hana's sadness that day would verify everything he's been trying to suppress.  That Tohru had passed away.

To see Tohru's grave again would be a slap in the face.

"Kagura stop it!" Kyou screamed, "I'll go later after everyone leaves, I don't want to see anyone".

"But Kyou," Kagura sighed, "please you need to be there with everyone".

"Will you stop it, who do you think you are?" Kyou spat out.  "You think you understand me but all you try to do is tell me what to feel, what to do, I don't need that! I don't want that from you, when will you ever leave me alone?"

Kagura couldn't speak- so this was what Kyou had really felt about her.  She turned to him heartbroken.  She couldn't handle it anymore and began to walk away from him.

Kyou realized his mistake instantly_, how could he be so cruel? But he . . . he just need to throw something and he had let out his anger at Kagura._

"Wait, please," Kyou ran after her, "I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just that . . . today, today was the day a year ago, I just can't deal with my emotions anymore".

With silence Kagura nodded her head in understanding and they walked quietly towards town.

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Kisa sniffled quietly as Momiji held her.  They looked longingly at Tohru's headstone.  They missed her so much, she had given them so much light- they loved her unconditionally and even now they loved her.

Kyou walked onto the quietness with his own struggling emotions when he neared the group.  

But Kyou noticed something, _'where was Yuki?'_

"Shigure, where is Yuki," he asked.

"Umm, Kyou," Shigure replied.  He didn't want to tell him.

"Tell me where that damn nezumi is," Kyou shouted suddenly.

"He didn't want to come," Hatori replied.

"What!" Kyou continued to shout.

"Damn it, stop it," Uo came onto the scene, "stop yelling in front of Tohru's grave".

"Shut up," Kyou shouted to no one in particular.

Uo towered toward Kyou and grabbed his shirt, "Stop it, I can't believe it . . . Tohru would be sad if you yelled".  She shoved Kyou backwards.

Still angry but after Kyou realized where he was, he knew what he had to do. He had to drag Yuki here; Tohru deserved at least that much, if not more than this reception at her memorial.  Yuki needed to be there.

"Kyou where are you going," Shigure called out to the disappearing form of Kyou.  He was about to stop him, but Hatori stopped him from going after Kyou.

"No, Kyou may be the only one able to bring Yuki back," Hatori stated.

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AN: I'm sorry for the late update and I'm unsure if I disrupted my flow with this fic- but it's been so long and I'm a little rusty.  Thank you for reading and I will revise as necessary.

Next chapter: **There Must be More**


	7. Chapter 6: There Must be More

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket****

Chapter 6:** There Must be More**

Yuki silently perched on this bed.  He had known what day it was but . . . he just didn't want to think about it anymore.  

He did not want to feel, to feel the loneliness that had overcome his life since Tohru had left him.

_'But did Tohru leave him?'_

Earlier he had rationalized that it had been her fault, that she was not a strong enough person to keep her promise. But now looking at his four corner bedroom he couldn't hide under Akito's scorn.  Instead, his walls seemed to have enclosed him and he felt suffocated as if he was being blamed silently.  But he knew if he went outside, the afternoon warmth would kill him more . . . so he decided it was better to be within the confines of his walls.

Yuki sighed again.

He had analyzed every angle regarding Tohru's death- denial, hurt, desperation, hatred, his list could go on . . . but the small corner of his heart was telling him that he was missing something.

He knew circular thoughts would only bring about more hurt so he smirked to himself, reminding himself that he just didn't care anymore.

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"Damn nezumi, where the hell are you?" Kyou stamped furiously on the ground as he neared the main house.  He stormed toward the entrance and ran toward Yuki's room.  He was not in a good mood and he needed to punch something, or rather someone.

Yuki lifted his brow as he watched the angry neko break his door.

Kyou in turn glared toward his arch-nemesis.

Neither spoke and just stared.  It had been a year since they had seen each other and they couldn't recognize who the other was.

_'Was Yuki always this withdrawn?'_ Kyou asked himself. While Yuki was surprised at Kyou's appearance- Kyou looked tired; empty, emotionally empty, except for the fact that he looked like he could kill someone at the moment.

Breaking the silence, Yuki demanded, "What do you want?"

This seemed to draw Kyou back to the situation as he snatched Yuki's shirt collar into his fist, "do you know what today is?"

"It's obviously nothing important as I'm doing nothing, stupid neko," Yuki smirked.

Kyou blanched, _'since when did Yuki smirk like that?_' he had only seen something familiar like that on their clan-head Akito, but never on Yuki.

"Shut-up, you know what I'm talking about," Kyou stated aggressively.

"If you would kindly remove your hand," with force, Yuki kicked Kyou off of him, "haven't you heard about personal space.  Secondly, I have no idea what you're talking about".

Kyou seethed in greater anger, how could Yuki say something like that. He knew Tohru's death was something they never talked about, but it couldn't erase the fact that Tohru was someone important in their lives.

"Then let me remind you, you need to go see Tohru," Kyou almost whispered, "she would want you to be there".

"I don't know who this Tohru is, but I don't need to be anywhere, so leave now before I kick your ass," Yuki spat out hatefully. _"And if she wanted me there she would have never left me," he whispered mentally._

That was it, the last straw that Kyou could handle.  With unexplainable strength and anger, he dragged, half carried Yuki out of his room.

"I don't care what you're thinking," Kyou screamed out as he roughly pushed Yuki outside and out of the Souma main complex, "but you are going to give Tohru your respect".

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"Let go of me this instance," Yuki demanded.  He physically began to attack Kyou. He knew he had to return to his haven at the Souma complex because if he saw Tohru's grave now, he wasn't sure if he could suppress his emotions anymore.

However, just as much as he began to struggle out of Kyou's grasp, Kyou held on tighter until they had reached their destination.  With somewhat relief, Kyou noticed that everyone had left the gravesite.

With obvious disdain, Yuki shrugged off Kyou with a violent kick to the stomach.

"Don't you ever do that again," Yuki stated icily. As he turned to leave though, something caught his attention.

"No," Yuki whispered, "No, no, no . . . Damn it, please not right now, Tohru . . ." He felt himself crumple to the ground, with a tentative hand, he brushed the name engraved on the headstone. _'He couldn't handle this now'._

**------"Yuki-kun," a soft whispering was heard . . . "Yuki-kun, why don't you smile anymore? I'm so sorry," a quiet voice continued, "you know I love you, please forgive me . . . if it was up to me, I would have never left you and Kyou-kun, I love you guys so much"-------**

"No, stop it," Yuki screamed out, "Stop it . . . stop taunting me".

"Yuki," Kyou breathed out loud. His anger had disappeared the moment he noticed the hopeless tone of Yuki.  He had never seen him like this . . . so much like what Kyou had gone through throughout the year.

He slowly kneeled to the ground next to Yuki and placed his hand upon his shoulders.

**------"But look at how selfish I was . . . ever since I met you and Kyou-kun, I just wanted you and Kyou-kun to be happy," she continued, "please . . . I don't want you to be sad"------**

Yuki couldn't handle it anymore. _'I don't want you to be sad'._

He had tried so hard to suppress his emotions but suddenly he felt a need- a need of release, a need to let go. While another part of his defenses tried to rebuild his fragile hold on his sanity so that he could calmly walk away from Tohru's headstone untouched.

**-----"Yuki-kun," she continued, "the snow may be cold and calm, but it always gives way to spring, please don't forget that"-----**

That statement in Yuki's mind began to repeat itself, _'winter gives way to spring'_.  Tohru had always believed that, that no matter what, there was always spring . . . "Tohru-kun, I miss you," he cried suddenly, "I miss you so much, and I think about you everyday, all I hear is your voice even now".

"I tried everything to forget you because you're not here anymore and just remembering you pained me.  But trying to not remember you was harder," Yuki cried softly, "I thought you were going to be with us forever- and then I blamed you because it felt like you lead me on, lead me on to have hope in this bleak curse".

With sudden movements, Kyou enveloped Yuki within his arms.

"I miss Tohru too," Kyou stated honestly.

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**AN**: I'm sorry I know I'm a little rusty and the emotions might have come out too soon, I think I'm better at angst rather than them having a heart-to-heart *oh my* but they will have their conversation in the next chapter.  Thank you for reading and I will revise as necessary.


	8. Chapter 7: A Similar Warmth, yet Differe...

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

Chapter 7:** A Similar Warmth, yet Different **

Yuki felt warmth spread across him immediately. 

_'What was this feeling?'_ He remembered a similar warmth- a long time ago, when Tohru had been with him . . . but now it felt the same yet different_, 'Why? Why did he suddenly feel safe?'_

Realizing how close Kyou was and exactly who was making him feel this warmth, Yuki didn't know what to do.  He could easily push him off and run away, but he was so tired already . . . 

"You don't understand stupid neko," Yuki began to falter; he couldn't believe he had shown his vulnerability to his enemy, "let me go".

"Shut up," Kyou clenched his teeth, instantly recognizing Yuki's icy defenses trying to rebuild.  He was about to scream at him but a thought filtered through him again, _'Yuki and he were not that much different after all . . . they are the same; the same pain, the same feelings . . . __They were almost unreachable through Tohru's death . . . he had changed, they had changed to someone they themselves could not recognize'.  But it had changed for Kyou the moment he saw Yuki, he couldn't ignore his feelings and buried emotions because it was so clear, so clear through Yuki's emotions and appearance.  Kyou was sure when other people looked at him; he had the same aura as Yuki.  And then he remembered something Shigure had said to him before, __'Yuki and he were both feeling the same since they had lost someone like Tohru.'  _

Suddenly Kyou understood, Yuki, Momiji, Uo, Hana, Kisa, Shigure, Hatori, everyone Tohru had touched . . . they had all lost a part of themselves that day.

So, Kyou began to speak while still embracing Yuki, to make him understand, "I don't know if I've really been living this past year or not, it's hazy to me actually . . . it was always the same because I was waiting for Tohru to come back to me, so I waited and waited.  Shishou and Kagura wouldn't leave me alone. They always tried to distract me and get me to eat.  They were so annoying and I just wanted to be left alone . . . but I knew hopelessness was gnawing inside of me, growing everyday.  I just wanted it to end. A part of me still wants it to end already . . . I wanted to join Tohru . . . to be where she was".

Yuki felt shock, _'Kyou wanted it to end?' _Why would he think of such a thing? He had everything since the beginning, everyone had loved him, while Yuki on the other hand, he was just there to fulfill his duty. People could not love him.

"You know, I was always envious of you? I still am," Kyou continued, oblivious to Yuki's train of thought, "you had everything, so many people love you and Tohru, she loved you so much".

"She loved you Kyou, she choose you in the end," Yuki stated with bitterness.

"Stupid, stupid nezumi, she didn't choose me in the end," Kyou continued, "but she knew what I needed then, I needed someone other than Kagura to accept my real form- the monster within me . . . her actions healed me that night, I began to understand love . . . just as I understood she loved you and Momiji, Shigure, and everyone just the same, she would have died for all of us".

_'Everyone just the same? Tohru had felt that way?'_ Yuki began to realize something from that statement, _'maybe he was just afraid that Tohru hadn't valued their friendship as much as he had. That she only cared about Kyou because everyone cared about Kyou. Did Kyou really feel envious of him? When everyday he wanted to be someone like his cousin. He was so sick of being Yuki, so many expectations . . . yet he was always excluded from groups and couldn't make friends.  Kyou was everything Yuki wasn't. And maybe that was why a part of him resented his cousin and maybe he was scared Tohru loved Kyou more.'  _

Warmth began to spread deeper within Yuki as he closed his eyes, images of Tohru, Kyou, and he projected within his mind. It was that feeling, it was not just Tohru who made him happy but it was Kyou too . . . they may have their differences but he never realized until now that Kyou actually meant something more to him than an annoyance in his life- _'given he would never admit that to him but still'_ and Tohru had solidified their broken bridges. And then he remembered, Shigure and Hatori, they had been with him since the beginning, watching out for him, even loving him . . . the same warm feeling he felt when they tried to reach out to him and tried to help him with his lost.  Shigure had even returned to the main house for him.

Yuki looked closer at Kyou and when they looked at each other a brief understanding passed between them.  

Kyou continued to talk, "I was in denial and I blamed myself throughout this time- I even began to think that it would have been better off not knowing Tohru from the beginning".

_'The same,'_ Yuki realized further, _'he had felt the same way too"._

 "But then every time that thought entered, I remember her talking about her mother," Kyou's voice wavered.

"Her mother . . . Tohru was always smiling . . . I remember that day when she was called out of the classroom, I didn't even care, she was nothing to me . . ." Yuki added while continuing to think aloud, "I didn't know what kind of person she was and then she became so important to me . . . but she lost her important person.  She didn't have her mother but she was always there with a smile . . . when we went to her mother's grave, Tohru was smiling- she was so strong even then. Although she had lost someone special to her, she never let that shake her beliefs; instead she wanted to honor the memory of her mother, even though it was unbearable".

"Baka- baka Tohru, always smiling never showing her sadness," Kyou spoke aloud.

"Yeah," Yuki replied softly.

"And maybe it's okay to move on, because Tohru showed us how to," Yuki spoke again, "but I had forgotten until now . . ." 

"Tohru, can you ever forgive me?" Yuki turned to her gravestone, "I never meant to blame you, I just wanted you here with me . . . I know how selfish I've been but I can't do anything to change what I've done, but I'll try now, to honor your memory . . ."

They both looked at each other again and smiled.  

Realizing their close proximity, Kyou let go of Yuki.

"You better not say anything about this baka nezumi," Kyou redden.

In response, Yuki gently pushed Kyou and coughed, "I don't know what you're talking about".

They looked back to Tohru's grave again together in silence.

Yuki then placed his hand upon Kyou's shoulder and spoke, "Thank you for coming to get me," and then he added silently, _'but it still doesn't make everything easier . . . I miss you Tohru'._

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**AN:** Not quite finished, still need to address some things like Akito and tying up loose ends. Thank you everyone.


	9. Chapter 8: Approaching the Issue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket**

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**_A/N_** – it's been close to two years, sorry for the long wait! Also, this fic has no pairings because I just want to focus on what Yuki and Kyou are dealing with. However, I will probably write a separate follow-up fic, with pairings due to some of the comments regarding this – err, if you guys want one that is 0.o!

**_Warning_s:** Few cursing and maybe general OCC. Also unedited – I usually spend 3 days looking over my chapters before updating but it has been almost 2 years 0.0! so please let me know if you see major errors in grammar, thought, plot, development, etc. Thank you!

**_Spoilers_:** for those of you who know, manga Akito . . . manga Akito and my fic Akito does not follow manga Akito's profile, if you know what I mean . . . err, if you don't, I don't want to spoil it by stating it here.

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Chapter 8: **Approaching the Issue**

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Kyou had left Tohru's grave earlier, while Yuki stayed behind. He sat down on the grass and softly pulled the grass near it and let it run through his hands. Slowly he began to regret his actions for the past year and the people he had pushed away.

"Tohru, where do I begin to make it up to you?" Yuki smiled sadly at the headstone, "I know I start from here but you're not here to guide me anymore."

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"_Yuki-kun," Tohru smiled down as she neared his form, "its okay . . . it's okay to be sad but you have the rest of your life to begin here."_

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"Tohru?" he gasped, he felt that presence again. Serenity filled his being as he felt something; for the past year he had sensed a calming presence but he was so consumed in his grief that he scoffed at his heightened senses and concluded that he was going crazy.

"Tohru?" he called out again as he looked up, "are you here?"

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"_Yuki-kun," Tohru began to cry, "I'm so sorry, I wish I can be here with you and Kyou-kun . . . but I've never been far away from you guys."_

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Relief poured out from Yuki, he couldn't explain why but he felt as if he were forgiven for something.

"Tohru, it's okay now . . ." Yuki began "I understand, you've always been here for me – for all of us. I couldn't save you but you've always saved me – even now."

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_At Yuki's admission, Tohru felt herself become free, "Yuki-kun, I'll always be here." Tohru started to smile again in understanding and slowly disappeared._

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Yuki stood up and neared the gravestone, he placed his hand on top of it and whispered, "I love you Tohru and thank you." Yuki felt that it was time to go, _"but to where?" he thought to himself._

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Slowly he began to walk toward Shigure's place.

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As he neared the area, he noticed that the grass and house had been kept while Shigure and he were away. He was surprised at the level of responsibility that Shigure demonstrated by this act alone, _"maybe Shigure is a responsible adult after all,"_ he thought to himself in humor. He couldn't place the image of a rational and sentimental Shigure to the perverted and indifferent Shigure - to look over a place that no one was occupying. Yuki had missed out on small things like these of people's character. Regret tugged at him again because he suddenly remembered his behavior with Shigure and Hatori. Even with Ayame, his brother.

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"_Yuki-kun, I, your illustrious brother will show you the joys of life," Ayame screeched into Yuki's ear._

_Yuki looked blankly at him and instead focused on the Souma room – he wondered what kind of wood his room was built from._

"_Yuki," Ayame shook him to get his attention, "you have to stop this!"_

_Yuki turned his attention away from the wall and glared at the noisy person in front of him._

"_Yes, Yuki-kun," Ayame continued, "we need to get you out of here, please. I don't want you to self-destruct like this . . . I couldn't help you before . . . and now I can't let the same thing happen with you again."_

_He did not respond._

"_Please, Tohru would be so sad," Ayame whispered._

_Rage began to build up within him and he pushed his brother away from him, "LEAVE ME ALONE."_

"_Yuki," Ayame embraced his brother, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry . . . it's okay, I'm here."_

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As his memories overwhelmed him and he began to feel regret again, Yuki turned slightly to the right of Shigure's house and headed north. Yuki wanted to see what had happened to his garden that he had always taken care of. With hesitation, because he knew it couldn't have thrived without care, Yuki walked closer to his secret base.

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"_Secret base!" Tohru spoke with excitement as she drew a map in her head._

"_No, it's nothing big," Yuki stated, "but I want to show you one day."_

"_I would love to go," Tohru replied with a smile._

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Yuki sadly smiled at that memory, his secret base had been a place that he had nurtured his plants for the first time; something that grew when he gave it water and something that he protected in rough weathers. This act of gardening had helped him gain self-worth and pleasure. He had never felt good enough and had never felt needed but with gardening, he was needed.

"I'm such an idiot," Yuki sighed, he had given up in even the bare essence of himself after Tohru's death. Of course his actions for the past year must have hurt Tohru and the people around him.

What greeted his sight did not surprise him, all of the fruits and vegetables that he had labored with Tohru were dried up and dead. He felt sad again because he should have taken care of his garden. Slowly he began to gather up the dead leaves.

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However, as he neared the farthest corner, he noticed something odd.

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As he pushed some of the tall grass away, he noticed a new leaf sprouting up. It was small but it was there, the leek was going to be fine and would grow again. Relief overflowed him again because this was where he was going to start from – this simple vegetable was able to weather through the storm without any aid from him but now, he knew he could help it along the way. With a greater resolve Yuki began the slow process of rebuilding his garden.

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"Yuki-kun," a voice called out.

"I don't know where he could have gone," replied another.

"Well, this is the last place to check," someone else spoke, "if he isn't here, I don't know where else he could have gone."

Ayame, Hatori and Shigure pushed some branches away from them as they neared the vicinity of where Yuki was working.

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Dusting the dirt off of him, Yuki stood up and approached them.

"Sorry, I didn't know it got so dark," Yuki began with an apology.

Once into the clearing, the three men looked at Yuki in astonishment.

"Er, why are you guys looking at me like that," Yuki stated.

"Will my eyes deceive me Tori-san," Shigure began, "our little Yuki said sorry."

Yuki glared at his cousin and started to walk towards Shigure's house as the three men exchanged looks between themselves and followed him.

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In a state of shock, they watched Yuki head into the house and into his old room to grab a pair of clothes and then he firmly shut the bathroom door to clean up.

"Well, that went better than I thought," Shigure once again spoke.

"Oh, my brother," Ayame began, "I feel the spring of youth return into his body."

Hatori smirked at the banter between the two of them. While his inner-self felt relief wash over him – because the critical and gloomy atmosphere that had hovered on the family due to Yuki's behavior was slowly lifting.

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Feeling refreshed and clean, Yuki entered the living room where Hatori, Shigure and Ayame were.

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"I just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done," Yuki spoke respectfully. He knew he should have said more but couldn't form the right words to describe what he had gone through the year and the apology that should have accompanied it. However, he knew he had to begin somewhere and this was where he was beginning.

Once again, the three men weren't sure they had heard right from the usual cold and indifferent Yuki.

Ayame latched onto Yuki and felt his forehead, "Tori- I think Yuki's sick."

With annoyance, Yuki kicked his brother off of him. However, he felt relieved at the natural response Hatori, Shigure and his brother had shown him.

"Hatori-san, can we leave now for the main house?" Yuki began, "I would like to go to the main house for a period of time and then return back to Shigure's house."

Hatori peered at him and asked, "Yuki-kun, I don't understand, why? Why not just stay here now that you seemed to have come to terms with Tohru's death?"

"I cannot explain it either," Yuki stated.

". . ." Hatori did not respond but stood up suddenly and nodded to Yuki, with his lead everyone followed him and left with him and entered into the car towards the main complex.

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Akito sneered toward Yuki as he was seated in front of him, while Shigure, Ayame and Hatori were behind Yuki.

"What do you want Yuki-kun," Akito stated maliciously, "did you enjoy visiting the grave of the dead?"

"Hahaha," Akito continued, "you know that's where Tohru belongs, Yuki-kun. Isn't it brilliant? The liar deserves to be in the grave, you know."

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Yuki flinched inwardly and remembered the cruelty he had dealt under Akito but he couldn't lose his resolve now, not when he wanted to change himself little by little into a person that Tohru would have been proud of.

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"I couldn't understand it before but now that I have, I cannot let it go," Yuki started,"Tohru never lied to me, or to us . . ."

"What!" Akito screamed, "You fool! Tohru's not even here, you dimwitted rat."

"She never lied because she always tried her best, not just for us but for herself," Yuki continued, "and I understand now that you must have experienced a similar pain of losing someone like I have, like Kyou had, like Kisa and Uo and Hana had. We all experience this but I was the one who blamed and blamed so it never got better, I never got better because it was easier to blame."

"That's what differentiates us, you know. Maybe you didn't lose anyone like that – someone important like that and if that isn't the case, then you must have lost yourself," Yuki stated bravely, "and for that I'm sorry because you have taken our curse little by little . . . it must have been a great burden for you."

Akito felt enraged and angry at Yuki's words, "How the hell would you understand anything!"

With alarming speed Akito stood up and reached for the vase to throw at Yuki, but as he neared the object Hatori and Shigure ran to Akito and held him back.

"How dare you! How dare you!" Akito screamed, "LET ME GO!"

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"Ayame, take Yuki and go," Shigure stated.

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"It's true I can't understand," Yuki directed toward Akito, "but you can help us to understand – so that it can become easier for you too."

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As Yuki exited with his brother, he told Ayame that he wanted to be alone.

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Yuki felt his weight drop on the bed as the events of the day exhausted him. But he knew he had to be strong because this is what Tohru had taught him and shown him while she was still here. She had smiled even when her mother had passed away and she had tried to understand someone else's pain.

With a sigh, Yuki fell asleep knowing that he had more inner demons to fight.


End file.
